At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, to provide for, and to protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships…
This is not an exhaustive definition of masculinity, there is much more to masculinity, but there is not less. And make no mistake it is possible for a man embody many traits that socially are associated with masculinity (i.e. hunting, fishing, fighting, sportsmanship, be an outdoorsman) while at the same time remain “immature” with regards to true and biblical manhood. If there does not exist this “sense of responsibility” to lead, provide, and protect, his masculinity is at best incomplete and may even be distorted…
The term “benevolent” is meant to express the manner of this responsibility and indicate how it is to be served to the women around him. Men are meant to lead biblically as Christ demonstrated becoming the servant in all relationships around them, not lording their leadership in a self-aggrandizing or dictatorial way.
It is a “responsibility”, it is a God-given trust for the good of all his creation, it is a duty, one for which men will give an account. Clearly illustrated in Genesis 3:9 when God says first to Adam “where are you?” Eve may have sinned before Adam but he was the first called to give an account. This does not belittle the responsibility of women, it simply signifies mans unique responsibility.
To “lead” is perhaps the most often misunderstood trait of masculinity. Biblical and masculine leadership expresses itself not in the demand to be served but in the strength and conviction to serve and sacrifice for the good of those he is leading and in this case specifically for the good of woman. It imitates and embodies the model laid out by the teachings of Jesus and his moving sacrifice on the cross for his bride. It does this by serving and leading in ways that attempt to draw out the strengths of those on whom their leadership falls. Simply put a good leader does not aim to demonstrate his superiority over others but rather to bring out all of the strengths that will move them in their desired direction.
All of these actions and virtues lie deeply rooted in a regenerated heart that has been transformed, it is only through this that man is able to truly love like Christ loved the Church.
From the CBMW book Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood
edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper