Here is a little bit more from the David Powlison article.
I took it home and shared it with Amy because it related to a few “discussions”* we have been having lately.
She really liked it. It gave us some helpful handles to grab on to in future “discussions.”
*you may substitute the word(s) “talks, ”“issues,” “disagreements” if you choose.
Please note that, in my marriage, if these “discussions” degenerate into fights or conflicts I take responsibility (seriously) it is my God given responsibility to lead in Christ and to Christ and in love and from love.
Can you change what you want?
Yes and Amen! This is central to the work of the Holy Spirit. You will always desire, love, trust, believe, fear, obey, long for, value, pursue, hope, and serve something. You are motivated when you feel desire. God does not anesthetize us; he redirects our desire. The Holy Spirit works to change the something, as he leads us with an intimate hand. The desires of the heart are not unchangeable. God never promises to give you what you want, to meet your felt needs and longings. He tells you to be ruled by other, different desires. This is radical. God promises to change what you really want! God insists that he be first, and all lesser loves be radically subordinate.
God challenges the things that everybody everywhere eagerly pursues (Matt. 6:32). What desires of body and mind (Eph. 2:3) do people naturally follow? Consider our characteristic passions: desires of the body include life itself, air, health, water, food, clothing, shelter, sexual pleasure, rest, and exercise. Desires of the mind include happiness, being loved, meaning, money and possessions, respect, status, accomplishment, self-esteem, success, control, power, self-righteousness, aesthetic pleasure, knowledge, marriage, and family. Must these rule our lives? They did not rule Jesus’ life. Can these cravings really be changed? The Bible says Yes, and points us to the promises of God: to indwell us with power, to write truth on our hearts, to pour out his love in our hearts, to enable us to say “Abba, Father.”
As we have seen, many of these things are not bad in themselves. The evil in our desires does not lie in what we want, but in the fact that we want it too much. Our desires for good things seize the throne, becoming idols that replace the King. God refuses to serve our instinctive longings, but commands us to be ruled by other longings. What God commands, he provides the power to accomplish: he works in us both the willing and the doing of his good pleasure (Phil. 2:12–13).