I was deeply convicted by this article. So I decided to share the pain. Relationships are wonderful, valuable, and meaningful. And they are also so often the source of difficulty, pain and devastation.
This essay by Paul Tripp should give you plenty to think on, and apply, in your relationships…
Busyness — There is no doubt about it: too many of us are trying to have hundred-dollar conversations in dime moments. Too many of us have left little time in our schedules for meaningful conversation, tender connection, and focused problem solving. Too many of us have little time for relational reflection and introspection in our ministries. Too many of us are doing ministry relationships on the fly. Relating to one another, too often, is what we do in between all the other things we are doing that really determine the content and pace of our schedules. But the ministry community doesn’t function very well as an in-between thing, and it surely doesn’t tend to thrive when we leave it alone and ask it to grow on its own.
Self-Righteous Defensiveness — Do you welcome those moments when a fellow pastor or staff member approaches you with a criticism or concern about something you said or did? Are you glad that God has placed you next to someone who helps you see yourself with greater accuracy? How active is your “inner lawyer,” internally arguing in your defense, even as the other person is speaking? Have you tended to think that all the weeds in your ministry relationships were brought in by others?
Laziness — It’s hard to admit, but laziness is a big issue in our ministry relationships. We know that we shouldn’t leave a meeting angry, but it seems that it will take too long to solve our conflict. We know that we need to clear up this morning’s misunderstanding, but it won’t leave us much time to get other ministry work done. You know that things are not right, but you tell yourself you should wait for a better moment. You walk away from an argument, and you know you should go back and ask for forgiveness, but you don’t know what you will get into if you do.
It’s a fact: laziness is rooted in self-love. It is the ability to take ourselves off the hook. It is the willingness to permit ourselves not to do things we know we should do. It is believing that good things should come our way without our having to work to get them.
You can read the whole thing here. http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/03/12/jeremiah-and-your-ministry-relationships/